It’s a Cruel Summer

July 2025 in Iowa & Illinois

It had been good for us to grieve alone together in the Black Hills for the first two weeks after Charlotte’s passing, but we knew we’d eventually have to return to Iowa and continue on with Curtis’ work schedule. Returning ‘home’ to the place where we (unknowingly) spent her last week was always going to be hard, and we knew it had to happen eventually. It came with a lot of mixed emotions — a lot of sadness, obviously, though not every moment was as hard as I thought it would be.

Our last day there had been filled with so much anxiety and worry for her, but now that part of my mind was just…quiet. I missed her so so much, but I recognized that there had been a part of my brain that, for the last 2+ years since she went blind, had been constantly anxious for her, wondering if she was healthy, comfortable, happy, fulfilled. Now that she was gone, that part of my brain felt quiet, empty. I didn’t like it, but I was learning to sit with it.

I was thankful for all of my family to help distract from what we were going through. We were only at home for one full day before we needed to head to IL, and we packed that day as full as we could. First thing in the morning, we drove to Palisades-Kepler State Park and met my sister’s family, and I took some family photos for them. My sister really wanted some cute candid photos of her adorable kids, so we kept the time really light and fun, walking around on the grass and sand, and skipping rocks in the river (which was extremely high). After that, we went to a small farmer’s market in Mt. Vernon that’s held on a family farm, and we enjoyed seeing their chickens, cats, and a couple baby lambs, and getting some local treats.

With the morning filled, we went home and had lunch with my parents. Since they had plans for the rest of the day, we ended up hanging out with my other siblings more. We met my youngest sister and her boyfriend at a park and played pickle ball for our very first time (we started out pretty rough but eventually had a decent little match), then continued hanging out at the park, Curtis metal detected and I walked. That evening, all of my siblings that live in town met at my sister’s house, and we picked up sushi from the restaurant where I worked in high school and brought it over for dinner. We had a fun night catching up and playing with our niece and nephew.

The next day was when we needed to make the drive to Illinois for Curtis’ short assignment. We got a rental car so the van could have a week off, and then drove over after lunch. This week, Curtis would be doing some training at a plant he’s been to a couple times that’s Southwest of Chicago. In the previous years that we’ve been here, we’ve always stayed in Joliet, but this time we changed it up and stayed at a Towneplace hotel in Minooka instead.

Our first day there was hard, but we knew it was going to be because it was supposed to be Charlotte’s birthday. I didn’t really put any expectations on myself to be productive or do anything really, since it was my first time truly alone for the first time in 11 years. Mercifully, The Princess Bride and Pride and Prejudice were both on TV, and of course I had plenty of pictures to edit from our SD trip and of my sister’s cute kids. I made it through, both that day and the others that followed.

That evening, Curtis’ parents happened to be driving across Chicagoland, so they made a detour to come see us. We took them on a walk in McKinley Woods on the canal trail, where we saw lots of birds, muskrats, and had a view of the power plants where Curtis was working. After that, we met up with his colleagues for dinner, and we ate with them the following nights as well. We ate at Giordanno’s Pizza (of course), Happy Falafel, and Pesciolino Osteria, all in Minooka.

On Thursday, Curtis was finished with work and it was time to head back to Iowa. Since we had all day and a fuel-efficient rental car, we decided to take the ‘scenic route’ and get almost all of the counties we needed along the Northern border of Illinois. We’re now just missing the Northeastern-most county, which we’ll have to get if we ever visit Chicago or Milwaukee? The highlight of the drive was getting lunch in Freeport — we ate at a local place downtown called Nine East Cafe, where we enjoyed a delicious panini, lavender latte, and even got free cookies with our meal. We also enjoyed driving the scenic US-20 through Elizabeth, Galena, and into Dubuque.

When we arrived back at my parent’s house, my sister and her kids came over to welcome us back. Then they came over the next day…and every weekday the next week. I found that the best way to keep myself from spiraling into sad thoughts was to be around two young children who keep you so busy you can’t even hear your thoughts! We all became besties over the next week and I was so thankful for their company to get us through.

Now, our initial plans after Illinois were to come back to my parents, regroup, and then go up into MN/WI/the UP of MI for a week before going to Curtis’ parent’s home in the lower peninsula of MI, and then continuing on with his work schedule. We had plans and backup plans made, which all would have been fine, however I felt a little off about them just because we had made these plans when we still had Charlotte, and all I could think about was how I pictured taking this trip with her. I was willing to push through though because it all made sense, but then we made a discovery that made us put a pause on those plans. Curtis discovered that the battery-to-battery charger in the van (which helps power our house battery) had been overheating and had gotten a little…crispy. It’s a good thing he discovered it before it got much worse! He tried fixing it directly, but even that was beyond his soldering skills so we opted to buy a new one. However, he could only order that part online, and it wasn’t clear how long it would take to arrive.

And so, we ended up staying that entire week at my parent’s house, hanging out with my niece and nephew every day. We knew that we would eventually get back on the road, and that now was the right time to slow down and try to make the most of the circumstances we found ourselves in this summer. We had agreed that we were not going to make any big decisions for at least the rest of this year just based on our grieving journey. We’re just going with the flow, and making the best decisions we can when things are thrown at us. But there are two exceptions to that rule: we’re allowed to get tattoos in memory of her whenever we have the right design in mind, and we can take an international trip if it feels right.

More on that….coming up next.